For things fun or those fulfilling which of these are you more willing?
A distinction between fun and fulfilling seems to be that fun acts are pleasant in the moment whereas fulfilling ones may be less so in the moment but offer feelings of accomplishment or usefulness after the fact. The pleasure associated with fulfilling activities comes later and lasts longer whereas that for fun comes quickly but is fleeting. A separate cost of fun is that over time we need more of it to get the same level of satiation. What gave us pleasure yesterday won’t do so today. We’re stuck chasing more and more to get the same. This becomes an impossible cycle to sustain.
Enjoying a milkshake or another piece of pizza or another round on the patio with friends on a hot summer’s day are all ways to have a little fun. Each offers pleasure in its own way. However, the pleasure is temporary. The longer-term effects less positive as the result of extra caloric intake. If we’re seeking sources of fun like these regularly, that one round or one piece of pizza won’t be enough to satisfy our desire for feeling good. We’ll need more and more to achieve the same base level of happiness. The negative consequences of the added helpings hurt further.
Contrast these fun activities with something fulfilling which involves giving first and getting later. For example, going to the gym rarely leaves me feeling worse than when I got there. The toughest part is getting there and getting going. Once in the groove, the mood improves. Once completed, the energy reserves are repleted. Once done, it feels like I’ve won. The positive effects take a little bit of time and only follow from my contributions. However, the positive affects linger longer as I become stronger. Going to the gym may not be fun in the initial moments, but as the workout proceeds and one begins to feel the fruits of their labors a more powerful positive affect is absorbed. Better yet, this effect endures well past the workout itself. It can transcend the identity of the individual such that workouts become a further source of pleasure to which one looks forward.
Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed, “When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.” Fun is what we chase when we don’t know what is fulfilling. What kinds of things are fulfilling?
Thinkers over many periods in history have discovered the benefits of finding fulfillment over frivolous fun. Ralph Waldo Emerson gave us, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Finding ways to contribution by being useful as well as developing character are, therefore, two paths to fulfillment. The late Soviet dissident, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, came to a similar conclusion though from different circumstances. Solzhenitsyn wrote in The Gulag Archipelago, “Bless you prison, bless you for being in my life. For there, lying upon the rotting prison straw, I came to realize that the object of life is not prosperity as we are made to believe, but the maturity of the human soul.” To Solzhenitsyn, our purpose is not pleasure through material comforts but to cultivate our capabilities and our character.
In America a US attorney and politician, LeRoy Percy echoed Emerson when he encouraged others to pursue an active approach to making a difference as the path to a fulfilling existence. Percy proffered, “A man’s job is to make the world a better place to live in, so far as he is able—always remembering the results will be infinitesimal—and to attend to his own soul.” Happiness that results from helping is felt deeper and lasts longer.
Several thousand years prior, Epicurus offered, “It is not drinking bouts and continuous partying and sexual indulgence, or consuming fish and the other dainties of an extravagant table, which produce the pleasant life, but sober calculation which searches out the reasons for everything to be chosen or avoided and banishes those beliefs which are the cause of the greatest agony of the mind.” Epicurus emphasized the importance of living intentionally choosing actions which are constructive as the path to fulfillment over pleasures of the flesh.
Lawana Blackwell has authored over twenty novels. Blackwell has come to prioritize fulfillment over fun noting, “I’ve grown to realize the joy that comes from little victories is preferable to the fun that comes from ease and the pursuit of pleasure.” The late President, Franklin Roosevelt likely would have agreed with Blackwell as Roosevelt noted that “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money. It lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” Feelings of accomplishment and progress in life, too, may be sources of fulfillment which trump another trip to the dessert tray. The reward of fulfilling activities is that you inevitably feel better after having exerted effort of some kind. It’s the fruits of a sacrifice that are nice.
Unfortunately, the cost of fun activities is that they too often leave you feeling worse off after having enjoyed them. Fun is easy. Focusing on fun chases the pleasure first while worrying about the cost later. Richard Nixon observed, “To me, the unhappiest people in the world are those in the watering places, the international watering places, the south coast of France and Newport and Palm Springs and Palm Beach. Going to parties every night, playing golf every afternoon, then bridge. Drinking too much, talking too much, thinking too little. Retired. No purpose. While I know, there are those who would totally disagree and say, ‘If I could just be a millionaire, that would be the most wonderful thing. If I could just not have to work every day… if I could be out fishing or hunting or playing golf or traveling, that would be the most wonderful life in the world.’ They don’t know life. Because what makes life mean something is purpose. A goal. The battle. The struggle. Even if you don’t win it.” Life is not about lounging around sipping Margaritas all day. This may be fun for a fleeting moment but becomes dulling and depressing over time. Struggle and sacrifice are somewhat surprisingly what’s nice.
Recognize that the path of least resistance flowing into fun comes with a cost. The late Austrian born philosopher, Ludwig Wittgenstein with humility offered, “I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” To Wittgenstein’s end, flee fun and focus on finding fulfillment. Be willing to work for it. Accept that fulfillment follows an investment of effort of some kind. Prompt the pursuit of this path by posing to yourself questions like: How can I be useful? Where can I contribute? What progress have I made recently? In what way have I improved things? How can I improve things for others in the next day, week, month, year? How will I improve myself in order to increase my capacity to contribute today, this week, this month, this year? Of fun, I’m not suggesting have none. Instead, more often than not be willing to give something to find that which is fulfilling.
