The other weekend I was at the grocery store picking up a few items. We got in line and were behind just one other person. The cashier had rung through the purchase of the person in front while chatting with them. He was purchasing about ten half litre cartons of cream, two Salmon filets, and one other item. The cashier communicated the total to the gentleman. He then said, oh, can you break this purchase into two bills. I want the creams billed separately. The cashier paused, then said as diplomatically as possible, you should have told me this at the start. Standing there I thought, couldn’t he have done better than that and had the sense to separate the items than just dump them randomly if they needed to be separated on a bill? The man wasn’t phased by the mild rebuke and the poor cashier resigned herself to undoing the work she’d just done to accommodate the man. As our short line got longer, I said to two of my sons who were with me, this is a perfect example of how not to MMIOO.
A guide, framework, heuristic, or lens through which to view the world I’ve crafted to help influence my behavior in a constructive direction, I refer to as MMIOO – Minimize My Impact on Others. I think this simple guideline offers real merit to help us make decisions to do things that make a positive difference. The idea helps us to realize that our actions rarely arise in isolation. Anything we do has the potential to influence or impact others. We should consider these prospective impacts when deciding how to behave with the express objective of reducing our impact on others. I don’t want my actions disrupting, burdening, inconveniencing others.
Yes, we make mistakes. However, where we aren’t inconvenienced by them and others are, we are less likely to learn from our mistakes and others are simply burdened while thinking of us as little more than a nuisance. Our grocery shopper should have had his act together separating desired items and communicating his wish for separate bills to the cashier. He didn’t. As he realized his mistake, he had two options both of which would have reflected him owning responsibility for where he found himself as opposed to making his problem that of others. He could have simply kicked himself and said, my bad, I’ll have to sort out the issues with the receipt when I get home. Or, he could have said, shoot, my bad, please void this purchase, I’ll collect the items and return to the back of the line while I disrupt others as little as possible. Both would have imposed a modest amount of pain on him which is likely to have led to a lesson being learned. Instead, he got what he wanted, likely learned nothing, and left the sour stink of his stupidity in the air for others to stew in.
Even though the concept of MMIOO is straightforward, it can be difficult to have the awareness to consider the impact of our actions on others. We are usually consumed completely by what we’re after, we’re oblivious to how it will look or feel to those around us. If we start by seeing the opposite be displayed by others, it may help us understand the concept. When you see someone in the drive thru asking for the custom order that takes longer to prepare, they are demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When someone races past you just to slow down and take the next exit, they are demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When your roommate chooses to take a super long shower using up all the hot water and delaying your ability to get ready for work, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When your neighbor decides that mowing his lawn at 6:30am on Sunday morning is a good idea, he’s demonstrating the opposite of minimizing his impact on others. When a smoker of cigarettes or legalized cannabis lights up right next to you in a public place, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When shopping at the mall during Christmas and you see cars parked over two stalls, the driver of these cars is demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When a golfer hits their ball out of the nicely manicured sand trap and doesn’t properly clean up their footprints and mess, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When golfers fail to maintain pace of play standards with no groups visibly in front of them while other groups behind are stacked up waiting, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When the midlife crisis infected individual rides his Harley Davidson motorcycle with the factory exhaust pipe removed resulting in even louder engine output as he roars by, he’s demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When the construction worker drives down the highway with scrap blowing around the back of his pick-up bed blowing garbage out, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When the delinquent dog owner deliberately doesn’t pick up Fido’s poop, they’re demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others. When the young gal in the movie theatre can’t stop checking her phone during the show, she’s demonstrating the opposite of minimizing her impact on others. When the sick guy gushing germs all over the office showcases his “toughness” staying at work while under the weather, he’s demonstrating the opposite of minimizing his impact on others. When the gym rat leaves three plates on each side of the barbell when leaving the bench station, he’s demonstrating the opposite of minimizing his impact on others. And, yes, when someone is in the grocery store check out line and runs back to search for the one item they’ve “forgotten” while the rest of the line waits for them, they are demonstrating the opposite of minimizing their impact on others.
Sure, interpretation of this can be subjective. That is, how to minimize our impact may be in the eye of the beholder. There’s no, 100% clear, unbiased, objective standard to meet. It’s a guideline. A rule of thumb. A mental framework to consider with hopes of reducing our burden on the world around us. It is always easier to see others “violation” of this idea. If seeing how others’ actions can have a negative influence on our own feelings, perhaps we can become more aware of trying to behave better ourselves so that we’re not viewed in a negative light like those that have just irritated us. Another angle to approach this concept from would be to ask yourself what irks you? What makes you mad? What are your pet peeves? What gets your goat? If you spend a few minutes thinking about the last few times you have gotten upset, where were you, what was happening, who was around? You’ll start to get to the root of the types of circumstances that trigger a conflict with one of your values.
The more people that may be touched by your actions, the more useful this framework becomes. If you’re driving along looking for an unfamiliar place and miss your turn. Should you just slow down in the middle of the road obstructing traffic seeking to make an illegal u-turn or should you “inconvenience” yourself by driving a bit further and making a turn at a legitimate intersection while reducing your burden on the other drivers around you? The latter would be acting consistent with MMIOO. A universal human fact is that when different values collide, conflict results. This is at the heart of what we’re talking about. Our values are simply an extension of what matters to us. When something clashes with what’s important to us, it is unequivocally met with hostility from us. We’ve been hurt. What matters to us, well, matters. When it is disrespected, we’re disrespected. When we’re disrespected, our guttural reflex is to push back. Period. This is human. MMIOO is about both accepting that what is important to you isn’t the most important thing to others and respecting that others exist. We’re seeking to cultivate an awareness that is counter to our core instincts. This approach is easier when we are around like-minded people, groups, communities, and societies.
At its core, the concept suggests that a weakness we each have is believing that our values trump those of others. What’s important to us, must either be important to others or it doesn’t matter what’s important to others. We have rights. We are entitled. We are allowed to do whatever it is we’re up to. Sure, we can believe all of these things, but we’re inevitably going to create conflict in our interactions with the outside world. The irony is that by acting in our own self-interest we reduce the likelihood of being supported by the outside world. Whereas, if we are more considerate of others’ views, we are more likeable, and others will want to support and encourage us. We may get more of what we want by seeking to reduce our impact on others. We need to earn respect. Before we can claim rights, we should seek responsibility. Seeking to minimize our impact on others teaches us to give before we get. Central to this concept is cultivating an awareness that we’re not the only people around. Our perspective isn’t the only one around.
