Our values precede our choices which fuel our actions. In other words, we do what we value. Consciously choosing our values is vital to becoming the person we want to become. In fact, our values are the seeds of our success as Adam Grant notes in Hidden Potential, “Success is more than reaching our goals—it’s living our values.”
I’ve written several children’s books which have been attempts to highlight values I consider important. I’ve written a couple about sports hoping to show the fun of effort and connecting an individual’s contributions to their competence. I’ve been able to partner with a couple of professional athletes that have helped create and promote a few of these books. As the books are met with interest from readers, I’m rewarded with validation for the values expressed within the books. When people purchase, enjoy, and share these books, it validates the books’ ideas.
As part of introducing these books, I may send a copy to someone I admire or who I think cares about the value being expressed in a book with hopes that they may be willing to offer support for the idea. I am seeking their opinion not because of how their association with me may make me look good or sell more books, but because if someone I admire supports an idea I hold dear, then I must be on the right track. It’s not so that I can sell more, but so that I can believe deeper. In other words, I see victory as validation of a value.
In some sports, the leaders in the standings are allowed to don special jerseys indicating their position. For example, in cycling, the series leader earns the yellow jersey. This indicates to others and to the rider that this individual is currently the best. Sure, it may mark the leader as a target. However, it may also inspire the wearer to work even harder. As Matt Fitzgerald writes in How Bad Do You Want It of the yellow jersey, “It inspires them to use more of the ability they already have. Specifically, it exploits the social nature of the human animal in a way that causes cyclists to genuinely expect more from themselves.” When victory validates our values, we’re internalizing the idea into our identity. Others see us as a winner. Therefore, our view of ourselves as a winner is reinforced. We’re then motivated to act to further support this position.
In psychological circles this is known as self-consistency theory. That is, we tend to act in ways that support our self-concept. When our actions align with our identity, we’re seen as authentic; and we view ourselves favorably. Did you do what you said you would? If so, does it make you feel good? When we honor our commitments to ourselves, we feel a sense of accomplishment. If you workout, do you feel better after than before? It’s not just the blood flow that makes you feel good. It’s that you did what you said you would. After acting, when we feel better than before the idea gets a score. The sense of accomplishment we feel validates the deed that we did.
We feel the victory of our values when doing small acts consistent with our self-concept. In The Business of Belief Tom Asacker writes, “It’s not enough to simply know that we’re on the right path in life. We must also feel and be affected by it.” This is what we’re feeling when a win validates our values. We come to see we’re right where we want to be. Professional athletes show us that victory validates their values after they win a big competition. Have you seen an athlete break down while being overcome with emotion after winning an event? The emotions bubbling over after winning are to some degree the result of realizing all the sacrifice that has been put forth over years has not been in vain. The value which we place on something is reflected in our willingness to sacrifice for it. The greater the sacrifice we offer in support of something, the greater value that something has to us. Athletes have sacrificed deeply and dearly for a decade or more in service of their craft. When they earn a victory, they see that this sacrifice was worth it. The victory validates the value they have placed on their sport.
In our work worlds we achieve victories through pay raises and promotions. We receive these because we’ve earned them through our actions. Our actions are being valued by the organization for which we work. To earn victory in an organization is to validate the values of that organization.
At the end of the day, our view of the world, though the most important to us, is but one of eight billion in the world. We, naturally, place undue emphasis on our own perspective. We see the world through our own eyes. However, as Shane Parrish writes in Clear Thinking, “There is a gap in our thinking that comes from believing that the way we see the world is the way the world really works.” We can’t be sure we know what we’re talking about. We can’t be sure we’re on the right track. As Joshua Medcalf and Jamie Gilbert write in Burn Your Goals, “Just because we think something, does not mean that it is true.” As one with an admiration for ambition, achievement, and aspiration, it’s natural to aim to be an outlier. But how do you know if you’re going too far past the edge? We don’t want to become isolated on our island of ideas. It’s lonely being the only one that believes certain things.
We want to believe things that those we care about believe as well. Consider that those that like you are likely to be like you. In other words, as Mark and Bonita Thompson write in Admired, “If you want to feel more valued, then you need to find a community of people who share those values.” Like attracts like. “We want to spend time with those who act, look, think, and believe like we do” writes Tanner Guzy in The Appearance of Power. Fitting in and being part of a group is a validation of your values.
The saying “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” suggests that we shouldn’t be offended if something we’ve said or done is copied by another. As Seth Godin noted in a post in December 2023, it’s not an insult to see your idea expressed by others. It’s support for the value of the idea. It means your idea has legs and the potential to spread. This is a positive. In business, it’s called proof of concept. If you’re good in your field, others will seek to emulate you. This is a sign that you’re on the right track. As Tim Ferriss wrote in Tools of Titans, “If you’re studying my game, you’re entering my game, and I’ll be better at it than you.” When what you’re doing is working, others interested in the same objective will want to learn from you. You’ll become a resource for others. Some you may consciously help. Others will seek to copy. Again, this isn’t to be seen as a threat but a compliment. It can be seen as validation of your values.
An added benefit to viewing progress as validation of your values is that progress acts as an antidote to imposter syndrome. If we’re new in a field, we may lack confidence that we belong. We feel out of our depth and surrounded by “experts.” Our abilities pale in comparison and we doubt that we should even be treading in the same waters as those that have rich experience. It’s natural to feel out of place. As we make progress, we’re earning our street credibility and seat at the table. We’re inoculating ourselves to imposter syndrome with our wins. Victory validates our values. Our sense of self strengthens. Slowly, as we earn our progress, we develop the rock solid, unshakeable confidence in our earned competence.
The downside to this direction is that if taken too far it leaves you prone to the brain blinder of confirmation bias. Our focus may seek to filter information such that we see only that which supports our path. This can leave us blind to other opportunities or to stick with the status quo for too long. The confirmation bias is described by Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte in their book, The Resilience Factor, as “all of us are much better at noticing and remembering evidence that confirms our beliefs than we are at noticing and remembering evidence that proves that our beliefs are wrong. We call this the Velcro-Teflon effect because we are Velcro for evidence that supports our beliefs—it sticks to us—but we are Teflon for evidence that contradicts them—it just slides right off.” To counter this tendency to which we’re all vulnerable, it’s worth checking in regularly and revisiting our values. Are they still serving? Do those we respect still seem to share them? Are they helping to move us to where we want to go? Additionally, we can proactively explore new values. Is there a better way? What other values am I ignoring or not aware of that may help me get from here to there?
As always, we start with awareness and intention. Have I chosen my values intentionally? Are my actions aligned with my values? Are these actions taking me where I want to go? If they are taking you where you want to go, you’re making progress. Progress suggests you’re achieving wins along your way. When we succeed on some level in our world, it is a pat on the back to our process. It is external evidence that we’re on the right track. Victory is validation of your values.
Consider reflecting on your day’s actions daily. It’s best if you make time to write things down, but even reflecting while putting your head down on the pillow for a minute or two as you drift off to sleep. Ask yourself how did I live my values today? What actions did I take that exhibit value A, value B, and value C? The more actions we took that were consistent with one or more of your values, the more satisfied you’re likely to be with your day. Victory is validation of your values. In The Upside of Stress, Professor Kelly McGonigal points out that, “It turns out that writing about your values is one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied. In the short term, writing about personal values makes people feel more powerful, in control, proud, and strong.” Living your values lifts your spirits. Learn to see that victory means more than a trophy or personal recognition. Victory validates your values.
