Hopefully, you’ve noticed that letter in our Alphabet of Accomplishment you’ve read so far includes several questions at its conclusion. The questions are intended to draw your attention back to the material presented in the chapter and reinforce the message. No lesser authority than Socrates suggested, “The highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.”
James Kerr offered three benefits of quality questions writing in Legacy, “Asking questions challenges the status quo, helps connect with core values and beliefs, and is a catalyst for individual improvement. After all, the better the questions we ask, the better the answers we get.” James E. Ryan supports Kerr’s sentiment writing in Wait, What? “The simple truth is that an answer can only be as good as the question asked. If you ask the wrong question, you are going to get the wrong answer.” In Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott goes even further than Ryan affirming, “The quality of our lives is largely determined by the quality of the questions we ask—and the quality of our answers.”
How are we helped by questions?
Questions are at the root of our attention and awareness. Questions are about paying attention and being awake. They create our consciousness. We learn to see ourselves, others, our circumstances, and opportunities through questions. They wake us up and fuel our focus. Questions provide insight into us. Our self-talk is often questions we are barely paying attention to. Questions clarify and help us determine what’s important now. Getting better and making progress depends on awareness and honesty. We need to ask ourselves tough questions. In Barking Up the Wrong Tree, Eric Barker suggests we ask the following two questions to accelerate our awareness: “Where are your activities taking you? Is it where you want to go?” Or as Andrew Sobel and Jerold Panas encourage us to ask in Power Questions, “How will this further your mission and goals?” Should I be doing this? Questions like these can help get clarity on the importance of a decision. How will this action/decision support your values? How will you know? Catherine Hoke in A Second Chance invites us to ask, “What are your non-negotiable driving values in your life?”
Questions can funnel our focus constructively. In The Personal MBA Josh Kaufman offers, “When you don’t know where to begin, it’s often difficult to know with certainty which questions are important. The solution is simple: ask yourself, ‘What are the best questions I could ask myself about this situation?’ This meta-question applies in every situation and will help you generate a working list of relevant issues to explore.”
Questions offer insights into improvement. They are the heart of learning. To reflect is to ask yourself questions. We can’t learn without reflecting on our experiences or our plans. We can’t reflect without questioning. Questioning is how we learn. As Jim Collins wrote in Good to Great, no business can be brilliant without being able to “confront the brutal facts of reality.” Questions help us get real about where we are. In Why Smart Companies Fail, Sidney Finkelstein goes further calling companies that don’t question things regularly “zombies.” Zombie companies are “a walking corpse that doesn’t yet know that it’s dead.” An unwillingness to question things, leads to blind spots and an inability to adapt. Where questions aren’t welcome, the status quo sticks around.
Cultivating curiosity is the counterpoint to complacency. Those that question things find efficiencies and innovations. From curiosity follows an openness to change and a desire to improve. The curious ask both “why?” and “why not?” Why is a question about ensuring we’re doing things for a reason. Is what we’re doing still serving? Why not is a question about possibility. Why not is the world of innovation. Andres Sobel and Jerold Panas write in their book Power Questions, “Good questions challenge your thinking. They reframe and redefine the problem. They throw cold water on our most dearly held assumptions and force us out of our traditional thinking. They motivate us to learn and discover more. They remind us of what is most important in our lives.”
Indira Gandhi was the third Prime Minister of India. She considered questions as a key aspect of improvement, observing, “the power to question is the basis of all human progress.” Michael Dell said, “asking lots of questions opens new doors to new ideas, which ultimately contributes to your competitive edge.” Questions spur curiosity that drives creativity and innovation. Kobe Bryant wrote in The Mamba Mentality of how his curiosity was fuel that fed his development observing, “It was always fun to watch, study, and ask the most important question: Why?” Sobel and Panas suggest asking, “What have you learned?” Innovation isn’t an accident. It follows inquiry. Questions help us see things differently. Questions allow us to explore the edges and expand our perspective. What if questions prompt a search for possibilities. What if we tried X? Is there a better way? What possibilities exist that we haven’t yet considered? A commitment to questioning is a commitment to being open to improve. It’s not a one and done event. Regular questioning is always looking for better ways of doing things. When we’re new in a role it’s reasonable to ask why we do things this way to probe for understanding of how we got to where we are.
Questions help us to get real about where we are. “What are your own weak points? How do they affect your goals and what can you do to fix those weaknesses, to prevent them from continuing to affect your life in a negative way?” Writes Martin Meadows in 365 Days With Self-Discipline. Questions are the root of helping us grow our self-awareness. Jack Canfield writes in The Success Principles, “Life will always give you feedback about the effects of your behavior if you will just pay attention… You have to ask yourself, your family, your fiends, your colleagues, your managers, your teachers, your coaches, and your clients for feedback. ‘Is what I’m doing working? Could I be doing it better? Is there something more I should be doing that I am not? Is there something I am doing that I should stop doing? How do you see me limiting myself?’”
Questions engage and empower others. Asking others for their input reflects confidence in them. It shows that you believe they have value to add. When we’re willing to ask each other questions it suggests that we see others as a resource. It’s a positive perspective of people. I’m asking you a question because I believe you have something useful to contribute to the conversation. Where leaders simply dictate and direct, they see people as useful only to the extent of them doing what they’re told. They offer nothing other than their actions. Where we question, we’re validating and seeing them. We are seeking information, insights, and energy from them to make the organization better. If a leader, consider asking, “If you were me, what would you do?” As people can provide answers based on their experiences, they feel part of the process and more committed to decisions. When leaders ask questions, it improves their credibility with others. Michael Marquardt writes in Leading with Questions that the message a leader sends by questioning is, “I care about what you think, and your opinion is important and it counts around here.” This message motivates people and brings out their best contributions.
Questions build relationships. Questions lead listening. Leaders listen to learn instead of telling and direct. Listening can build empathy. Questions are how we build relationships. We learn about each other, what’s important, where we’ve been, what we have in common all through asking questions. In the work world, offering a question like “What do you think?” serves to endear the asker to the asked. We all want to be heard. We all believe we have something to contribute. When the powers that be ask me for what I see, I can’t help but be happy. When you meet a couple for the first time, a common question to pose is “how did you two meet?” People love to talk about themselves, and this question can offer some interesting responses. A similar question serves in business. How did you get started? Asking questions involves others and makes us listeners. We can use a question like, “If the circumstances were turned around, how would you like to be treated?” as an effort at developing empathy.
Questions reflect humility. Instead of I don’t know being bad, we should seek to see it as being A-OK. It takes courage to ask questions and accept that we don’t know everything. After all, it’s true. As Professor Julie Ponesse said in a recent speech, “It’s always better to have questions that can’t be answered than to have answers that can’t be questioned.” In Don’t Burn This Book, Dave Rubin writes of Dr. Jordan Peterson, “He is universally revered—and feared—for his incredible intellect and emotional insight. And yet he’s still able to say the following words: ‘I don’t know.’” Questions reflect that we don’t have all the answers. We’re not wedded to a single way. Questions open doors. An unwillingness to ask closes doors. It precludes possibilities. It reflects an arrogance or ego which are the opposite of humility. British philosopher and mathematician, Bertrand Russell, gave us the suggestion that it’s “a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted.” Proactively questioning the way we do things is a sign that we can never be sure. The Universe of what we don’t know always exceeds the tiny planet of what we do. Accepting this fact leads us to default to being less confident in our positions. Leaders that ask questions are seen as more modest. Modesty and humility are seen as strengths. The leader gains credibility through the questions they ask.
Questions draw us towards a vision and inspire. President Kennedy’s classic question “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what can you do for your country?” led to many thousands of young people becoming more civic minded and contributing their efforts.
Questions enhance decision making. What is thinking other than asking questions? Do we want to be good thinkers? If so, then we need to become better at asking questions. Knowing what to ask is of greater value than knowing the answers. None of us can possibly be all-knowing. The world is moving too fast. Information continues to expand exponentially. Questions help us try to make sense of things and allow us to sift through the deluge of data. Questions help sharpen our focus. It’s difficult to determine direction without knowing a destination. In The Little Black Book of Workout Motivation, Michael Matthews poses the following questions: “What would you like to learn more about, in the next six months? Two years? Five years? What habits would you like to improve? Where do you want to be in six months? Two years? Five Years? Why? What are you trying to accomplish?” These seem like simple questions, yet can we answer them? Have you taken the time to consider these and write answers to them? Where are you trying to go? A major distinction between high performers and the rest of us is that high performers are intensely intentional.
As important as asking questions appears to be, it’s unlikely we’ve ever been taught how to ask questions or what questions to ask. We’re encouraged to be critical thinkers, but what does this even mean? What constitutes a good question? How do we create a more disciplined approach to questioning things? The first question to ask is what do I want my question to achieve? Good questions are purposeful. They serve. They help. Broad, vague questions create confusion.
Michael Marquardt in Leading With Questions breaks down questions into two groups. Those that empower and those that disempower. Disempowering questions breed defensiveness and seek to assign blame. They include questions like, don’t you know any better, why are you behind schedule, or who is the problem here. None of these are fun to be asked. None of these breeds a search for common ground or improvement. Empowering questions seek to serve and expand the conversation. They aim to kickstart reflection and focus on the desired outcome. Empowering questions challenge and stretch our perspective. They lead to breakthrough thinking and contribution. They generate constructive action. Empowering questions include how would you describe the present reality, what are some options for improvement, can you describe your concerns, what are some possible alternatives to consider?
It’s not just the questions we ask, but how we ask them that can impact the conversation. Marquardt writes, “The attitude, mindset, pace, timing, environment, and context can all affect the impact of our questions.” Marquardt offers two mindsets that can impact our approach to asking questions. We typically fall into either a judging or learning camp. Judging results from reacting to circumstances with the primary purpose of assigning blame. Those that tend to judge believe they know the answers. They direct instead of inquire. They see their perspective and are less nuanced in understanding context. The judgers are more likely to ask disempowering questions whereas those with a learner’s mindset lean to empowering questions. Learning is about trying to improve, get better, and teach. Learners appreciate flexibility and recognize they don’t know everything. They are curious and believe others add value and can help. They see possibility. A learning mindset is recommended. When trouble shooting, finding out what happened and why is more important than who.
In A More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger writes, “Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.” Because, as the late Neil Postman wrote in Teaching as a Subversive Activity, “Once you have learned to ask questions—relevant and appropriate and substantial questions—you have learned how to learn and no one can keep you from learning whatever you want or need to know.”
Develop a ferocity for curiosity. Start your quest to become the best with questions. Remember, ask and you shall receive. Therefore, be careful with what you ask. As Eastman notes in Why the Best Are the Best, “The quality of your questions determines the quality of your information. The quality of your information determines the quality of your knowledge. The quality of your knowledge determines the quality of your decisions. The quality of your decisions determines the quality of your success.” Take care to queue quality queries as it drives the information you gather, the knowledge you develop, the detail of your decisions, and, ultimately, your outcomes.
At the end of the day, we would do well to consider the words of Pierre Marc Gaston, “Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” Questions are one of the most powerful personal improvement tools we have. As you build your belief about the importance of questions, look for opportunities to see asking as a strength over knowing the answers. Heighten the humility to allow your curiosity to grow. Encourage others to ask questions. Develop a list of questions you are prepared to use. Do you have a list of favorite questions you consider regularly?
Summary Points:
Quality questions lead to quality lives.
Questions are at the root of our attention and awareness.
Questions offer insights into improvement.
Questions help us to get real about where we are.
Questions engage and empower others.
Questions build relationships.
Questions reflect humility.
Questions draw us towards a vision and inspire.
Questions enhance decision making.
Good questions are those that empower learning.
Develop a list of questions you are prepared to use.
Questions to consider:
What’s important to me?
What am I doing?
Should I be doing it?
Where is it taking me?
What did I learn today?
What would you like to learn more about?
What habits would you like to improve?
Is there a better way?
What are you trying to accomplish?
What am I doing that is working well and should keep doing?
What am I doing that is getting in the way of my progress that I should stop doing?
